The Good The Bad and The Ugly

Introducing Poker’s REAL bad boys.

One of the oldest and best known laws of the universe states that for every action there must be an equal and opposite reaction. Well, for every poker hero out there is someone who is the poker equivalent of the anti Christ inhabiting that very same world. There is money in poker sometimes big money and it is this that acts like a beacon to the lethal characters who make a living from playing poker by using less than honourable means….cheating to be precise.

I got up close to one of England’s shadiest poker “players” and persuaded him to answer a few questions about his secret profession in the surroundings of one of Birmingham‘s city centre pubs….well he did owe me a favour or two not to mention the odd pint. For the purposes of this discussion we will call him “Tim”.

I will start with the obvious Tim, how did you first get into cheating?

There wasn’t any set time or date, it just kind of happened. I just hate losing especially to people who I don’t like. There was this guy who used to try his best to wind me up all the time, he did it because he knew that it bothered me. I took great pleasure in taking his money time after time, he soon stopped. As soon as I realised that I could get away with it then my confidence grew and playing on the level wasn’t making me any money anyway.

So what happened at the start then Tim, did you get approached by anyone to cheat?

Me and a mate of mine played in the same cash games all over the place and we knew each others games and tells so well that we knew when each of us had a hand or not. We never played hard against each other if we could get away with it and it just sort of started from there between the two of us.

You say that you don’t win at poker when it’s on the level, do you ever play poker straight up?

Sure, most of the time…well about half of the time, I can’t be seen to win every session. Sometimes I don’t get a chance to meet up with the others but I don’t play too big when I’m on my own.

How many others are there?

(Smiles)

A few

Getting back to the beginning again, did you feel guilty when you first took someone’s money by cheating?

Not really, I cheated in other areas besides poker so it just came natural. There was this one guy though who I felt sorry for. He was getting fucked all night long by everybody and we knew that he didn’t have that kind of money to lose. If we know a guy’s got the money, it’s not as bad.

Like a semi-version of Robin Hood except you don’t give it to the poor

(Laughs)

Yeah, sort of.

You mentioned earlier that there were others, have you ever worked alone?

No never, well not in poker anyway. I mean we all cheat from time to time don’t we (I shake my head),
………….Fuck off we all do. It’s just the scale of it that differs. It’s very hard to work alone doing what we do.

So what do you do exactly then?

(Smiles again)

Cheat!

So how can people defend themselves against it? What should they look for?

Why don’t you just tell them, you know this stuff anyway.

“You know I wouldn’t do that Tim”

All this old stuff is antique now. People think that if there is a house dealer in charge of the game that they can’t be cheated because a mechanic can’t get hold of the cards. Mechanics are history, it is a dying art. The best way to protect yourself is to be observant at all times or not to play at all.

Speaking of house dealers, have you ever had someone on the inside?

No but it would be very easy to do, we all know who we can approach if we have to.

How common do you think collusion is in European casinos?

It’s a bigger problem than many people think. It’s almost impossible to win in some card rooms if you are playing on your own and on the level. It happens in cash games as well as tournaments, even in small buy-in tournaments little things like passing information, soft playing and passing chips is rife.

Do the management know what’s going on and turn a blind eye to it?

They must do, there’s no way that they can be naive enough to think that the players in the card room are all whiter than white. To be honest, I don’t think that they care because that is not where they earn the most money anyway. Unless somebody causes a stink, they just ignore it and pretend that it isn’t happening.

Have you ever been caught?

(Laughs)

Been caught doing plenty of things but nothing in a card room. Once got caught with my best mates fiancee but that’s a different story. As for poker….not yet! Like I said, the way we work it’s very difficult for anyone to spot it. We don’t mark cards or anything like that in fact it wouldn’t even show up on camera.

So to the $64,000 question, how much do you make on an average night?

There is no such thing as an average night it all depends on the game and the players. If we get a good game with live ones then we can make as much as a couple of grand each but I would say that it’s about five hundred quid each as a rule.

Have you ever come off a table not having won when you have cheated?

Once or twice but it’s rare, they have to get fucking lucky to overcome us and especially when I’m working with ………….., he’s lethal.

I smile and nod in recognition, “I call him Dr Death” I said

“That just about sums him up” replied Tim. “Does he know that you call him that”.

“No, we have only spoken a few times, he once tried to recruit me a few years ago when I finished playing blackjack” I said.

I am going to call this article “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly”, do you know which one you are?

Well I’m not going to be fucking Clint Eastwood am I

(We both laugh heartily)

Anyway, what’s the future have in store for the “Man with no name” ?

I can’t really see myself doing anything else for a while although the way that the Internet is going I’ll soon be out of a fucking job. It’s good money and it’s easy, besides I can’t do anything else.

“Tell you what you can do Tim”

“What’s that”

“You can get the drinks in”

This article was produced for Bluff Europe poker magazine and has been reproduced here with their kind permission.