I have never been one to keep my concentration for long and especially when the money is so low that it fails to motivate me. But I have been playing 1-2 limit tonight in preparation for my Bankroll challenge and I have got to say that I am not looking forward to it one bit.
Jesus!!!…….those games are grim. It is going to be a long hard slog to get that first $1000 I can tell you. But hey…..thats part of the challenge as well because if players just simply passed me their money then what kind of a challenge would it be. But to make matters worse, I also tossed (literally) away $300 playing 1-2 NL waiting for the Germany vs Portugal match in which I have a far more substantial wager.
But I have been having a serious problem with keeping discipline lately. It almost makes me want to go and play tournament poker. At least when you are playing in an 100k event you get the feeling that you are playing for serious money. I have to sit down and ask myself some very serious questions over the next few days because my mind has simply not been on the job at hand.
I dont think I can trust myself to play big games at the moment. Regular readers of my blog will know that I have been down this avenue before. There is no point having tons of poker knowledge if you cannot apply what you know. Poker is a mental game at the end of the day and I have been flunking the tests lately.
I know that if you are not in the proper frame of mind that you should not be playing at all but I do too many things on impulse and this trait has got me into trouble at times. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe how someone who knows so much about the game can play so badly at times. I know its only $300 but once upon a time that was a weeks wages to me and now I just throw it away.
Although I sometimes ask myself, have I earned that right.Is throwing money away what you can easily afford as bad as what it seems…..well yes actually it is. I have always prided myself on being professional but professional is a word I dont know the meaning of at the moment. I think I need a good few weeks in 1-2 limit bootcamp because I deserve it. Maybe spending a few weeks in Africa amongst people for who $300 would mean the world may do me good.
The Dean is sponsored by Pokerheaven and can be seen at http://pokerheaven.com/thedean
